The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
