we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
