i think my tv is drunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
