he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
