Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
