You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
