So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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