Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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