in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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