I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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