You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
