I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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