Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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