i would punch a child for taco bell
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize