The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Quick, to the slutcave!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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