Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
