i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
