This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
