after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
BRING THE BAGELS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
