If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
