hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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