Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
