Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize