My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize