why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
