two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
