Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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