It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
