So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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