it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
