Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
