my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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