just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
