Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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