You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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