Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
