I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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