Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
