I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
