I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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