so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
