is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
