FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize