I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
