last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No subtext here. People are naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
