Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
