So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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