I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
