A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
