So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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