Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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