he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
