from now on my penis is your penis
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
