I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
