Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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