Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize