i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
