This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
