I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
