What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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