What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize