I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
