"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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