lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
