You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
