just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
sex in a hospital.. check
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
