put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
