You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
