I want to stick my p in your. b.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
