I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize