I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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