dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
