I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i need some magic done to my vagina
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