What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
