fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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