Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
