did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
