Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
