big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
