a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
