just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The air taste purple.
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