While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
