Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
