just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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