I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
