I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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