Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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