If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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