dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
