don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
