he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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