just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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