hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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