My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
